"You Take The Sticks And Stones"

We have to look after the dog. Because Boy who looks after dog is away in Glasgow with other Boys for Stag Weekend of Oldest Boy before wedding next month. I am really not bitter that I, The Dad, wasn't invited along. Not at all. Even though it wouldn't be unheard of for Dads to go on a Stag do. No resentment here.

 And I'm not un-resentful because I'm not missing out on the chance to watch people dressed up as nurses taking their clothes off while I am inebriated. Firstly that sort of thing doesn't appeal to me anyway, and secondly it's not that sort of Stag do. Younger Boys are up there too, and their seniors are responsible and of good moral fibre. Therefore paintballing and ten pin bowling are where the Stag is at. At least that's what I've been told. There is a picture up on Facebook though I will concede that could be part of an elaborate cover up. Anyway, I'm choosing to believe the story.

But stuff them. Back to the dog.

I know there are many, many people who LOVE dogs and the doggy world. The dog, Marley, who we are looking after is a nice dog really. A black labrador with THE most gentle eyes, and a beautiful coat.

But I really don't like looking after the mangy rat. I think it could be the 25 years and counting of raising 9 children that has done for me. Marley, though over a year old, is technically still a puppy. And he is trainable, because I spent a fair bit of time training him in the beginning. Even in a relatively untrained state (he's lost most of the obedience I taught him) he isn't bad. But it all just requires so much time and attention. Walks. Not nice pleasant walks, but constantly Throwing A Stick walks. Calming The Woofing at visitors. The picking up of pooh. It really is like starting parenting all over again. And I really can't be bothered.

So it is good that Dog Boy actually looks after him without any help the majority of the time. These odd days and weekends are the exception, not the rule.

In the meantime, I have decided to run for the position of First Minister in the soon to be independent Scottish State. And when I reach that position I will outlaw all dog keeping, except for  work dogs, dogs for the blind, and possibly dogs for anybody who lives on their own, assuming they can't be fobbed off with a budgerigar.

I will also make a law which requires Dad's to be invited along to Son's Stag Do. Even if they really didn't want to be invited anyway.


The line "you take the sticks and stones" is from the Fee Comes Fourth song You Hurt So Good - September 4th 2013