"Cleaning Out The Shed"

So, today's Fee Comes Fourth tune? It's about an old fella who has been grieving for a while. For the lady who was the love of his life, though he would never have described her like that. To anyone really, but definitely not to her.

And, like many emotionally repressed folk of a certain disposition, dealing with the grief wasn't easy. The biggest helps, and possibly the biggest avoidance tactics too, were the regular pints at the local. It was that or the shed at the allotment. And the shed at the allotment seemed too lonely a place. He needed company, he needed distractions, he needed...not to think about her.

But at the end of a night of drinking with the pals, there's still the long, zig-zag walk home. To an empty house. And that walk was where the all the haunting happened. That was the time when his booze addled brain had no control over her presence. When she'd slip in and out, more in than out, like a swallow making dozens of visits to the nest, with a mouth full of midges for the chicks.

That walk was bitter mainly, occasionally bitter sweet. But it was also the time when he could start, subconsciously, and without any knowledge of  strange other-language manifestations such as "Grief Psychology", to process and make sense of and cry for his life with her. And for the rest of his future without her.

And one night he remembered a picture, a silver framed picture, of them together when she was a sweet heart and he was a Jack the lad. And he knew he had to find it...


The line "Cleaning Out The Shed" is from TODAY'S Fee Comes Fourth tune called...Cleaning Out The Shed. It was co-written with Gary Carey and Gerri McManus.

“I Chat Her Up Inside My Head Again”

I’ve written several romantic songs. This line is from one called Be Still (My Beating Heart) which is available in my Fee Comes Fourth series. It’s about a young fella in love, where all the action happens inside his head. And that’s how it all begins of course. And that's a link of sorts...

Last night I watched a film called Amour which is reviewed at Rotten Tomatoes by those who can describe the cinematic experience far better than I can. But basically this film travels all the way down the line to the end of the romantic journey. In a very stark, bleak, but amazingly touching and thought provoking way, it captures the end of it all for a couple who have been together for a long time. There is nothing obviously romantic about this story. It’s a very difficult watch. The action is sparse but totally engrossing, as the wife gets a stroke, which very gradually and painfully takes her to the end. We watch her unravelling and the effect it has on her relationships, primarily the one with her husband. It doesn’t provide any answers whatsoever. But it does draw out questions that we might not want to ask, but will all have to face at some point.

There was a time when this story would have depressed me beyond help. I don’t recommend it to everyone, but if you happen to think it is important to confront the difficult questions about death and dying and the way it will affect us all at some point in the future, then watch it. And afterwards don’t despair. Think about how our lives are all about giving and receiving, about getting and losing, about holding and letting go. There is simply a time when we all have to let go of others, and finally of ourselves, for the last time. We all share this future.

It’s a sad thing, but it’s not necessarily morbid. And I’ve been inspired to think more about the practical side of that final letting go, and how to let other people be part of it, as far as we are able to control any of these things. So that’s a good result out of a difficult experience. I’ve been getting very tired of the Hollywood world view for quite a long time now so this film was, in a perverse way, also a very refreshing experience for me.

By the way. I don’t charge anything for being here to cheer you up.