"I Want To Move Forward, And I Want To Stand Still"

I've never had too much trouble with dreams and visions. But I've had plenty with making decisions. Sometimes this has led to bouts of doubt filled depression. After all, in a world of choices, and I am fortunate to be blessed with plenty of choice, which is the right one? Really. How do I know?

Even after having made a decision (of course I've made millions in reality) I am often uncommited to my choice. Based on a strange mixture of guilt and uncertainty. I want to do the right thing. For me, for the people I love, for the world I live in. It's a hard cross to bear.

Today I sat for a while trying to work out a way forward. Because indecisiveness, wavering, and uncertainty do not a happy bunny make. Trust me on that.

So I sat for a while. I stopped judging myself. And I had a revelation. It wasn't for anybody else. Just me. But now I've got a mantra to move forward. It's not  very elegant for somebody who loves to play with words. But it's just the job at this midlife crisis time of life (I'm 49 in a couple of weeks). I think I'm going to write a bit more about it on here. Help to work out how to use it properly.

So. Here is my new mantra.

Pick One Thing.

The line "I want to move forward, and I want to stand still" is from my song Have Your Cake And Eat It - September 12th 2012.

"Monday Could Be Fun Day"

My Daughter in Law to be (DIL!) is expecting me to mention something about the wedding everyday now. She's got a flipping app that counts down the seconds! Don't know what she'll do with herself after it's all over. Anyway, that's the FIL obligations dealt with for today.

 I've decided I'm going to be writing on week days only. Need to be able to keep this up, and realistically, the way life is presently, week days only is more achievable than the daily blog I'd intended.

Also, I'm going to allow myself to be short and sweet sometimes. Because I can be you know. I don't have to rattle on forever, like a 15 course dinner, outstaying my welcome.  Not that I've ever had  more than 3 courses myself. But I've heard these food marathons exist.

Bye.


The line "monday could be fun day" is from my Fee Comes Fourth tune All I Wanna Do (Wanna Dance) - July 4th 2013

"Then The Roof Blows Off"

Regular readers will remember a blog back in February where I described building a roof in preparation for the upcoming wedding of my eldest son Daniel to a lovely lady known as Susanna. And if you're really dedicated you would have read a few days later about how the roof blew off.

And it was all a bit too much. So I went and wrote a song. You know me.

And though the song in question wasn't written with Daniel and Susanna in mind, I would like to dedicate it to them as they look forward to next months wedding. Not that I'm predicting any roofs blowing off in their lives either literally or metaphorically. Nor wishing that on them. But the song is about being there for each other when Stuff happens that you weren't perhaps expecting.

And that is something I can predict. Unexpected stuff will happen in their lives together. A lot of it will be great stuff. Some of it won't. Whether that be external circumstances or personal relationship wise.

And what makes me very confident for Daniel and Susanna is that they are both people who, in their own different ways, will be there for the other when those moments happen. I know that of Daniel, because I watched him grow up. And I've seen enough of Susanna to know she will have Daniel's back.

I'm really excited for them. (Even if I wasn't, it would be impossible not to catch some excitement with Susanna around, because she has a severe dose of contagious exciteness).  I think they are perfect for each other.

So, we're not there yet, but here's to the two of them. To a wonderful life together.  Cover each other.


The line "then the roof blows off" is from today's Fee Comes Fourth tune Cover Me (A Little Bit Longer) - April 4th 2014

"Who Wants To Sing It? The Last Song Standing"

Gary Carey is a good friend and a songwriting craftsman. We met at a songwriting week about 9 years ago, and have been meeting up, along with the rest of a motley crew of songsters, twice a year for a few days ever since. The songwriting brought us together, but the friendships have kept us going.

He has recently released a CD of his songs called What's Not To Like? And the answer is: it took such a flipping long time to get it done. It's impossible for me to listen to the songs, as I did for the first time on the way back from our recent get together, and  disassociate the man I've come to know and love from the music. So I'm not going to try. Suffice to say that the music is as warm, generous, caring, wry, and humorous as he is. And this won't be a review from the "writing eloquently about music you hate" school of criticism.

Gary has an alter ego (Ryan Eyre?) in which his dirty-wicked humour comes out. On this album the focus is generally on the intimate side, warm and nostalgic, but never cloying. The first half of the CD is a collection of love songs that are almost from another era. An era where love was sincere, gentle, hopeful, and wistful. But also realistic.

What's Not To Like, the opener, is a lovely laid back, understated way of telling someone you love them. The antidote to "can't live if living is without you" music. Does that make it less romantic? Nah. More so.

Everything I'm Not is a simple plea to a partner. And we've all been there if we've been in a relationship lasting longer than 2 weeks. "Please, just let me be who I am, not who you want me to be". Did I mention that these are love songs with a realistic edge?

The Way I'm Loving You Now is as close as Gary gets on this album to pledging his eternal, undying affection with exclamation marks. Actually, it gets very close now I mention it. But sometimes that's necessary. I think I'm going to ask him about the inspiration for this one. She must be gorgeous.

The lovely countryish (I am incredibly bad at identifying genre's hence the tentative "ish") That'll Be Me is in the same vein as What's Not To Like. Gary hails from Oldham. It's not the most impressive town in the known universe, but it clearly breeds a kind of unpretentious, slightly cocky, laid back self confidence that I wish I'd possessed when I was a teenager. And although the man himself has recently left his youth behind, I suspect he had this back in the day.

That Girl's Gone is a  moving take on losing someone. And moving on. But not being able to forget. But not wanting to be reminded either. Ultimately it's about facing the facts of life...after the birds and bees have flown.

Which brings us to the second half of the album. I love the first half because it is like a warm cocoon of relationship familiarity. The rough with the smooth. The shared experience of "we've all been there".

But I like the second half even more.

I really doubt anybody has written a more sensitive song about the losses of war than Jamie's Coming Home. Gary has told me that this one was inspired by a newspaper article. If newspaper articles were regularly brought to life in this way then Fleet Street could still have a future. A lovely, poignant, compassionate tribute.

 By The River is a personal favourite from the album and, to my mind, an instant classic.  A beautiful, gentle gospel song about places of healing. The sort of place you'd perhaps want to visit if you'd known Jamie. Or simply if you've ever lived, loved, and lost. A place "where time smooths a pebble from every jagged stone, and peaceful waters flow". For me it really does have healing qualities. Brilliant.

Redemption Road hints at the inner rock god bursting to get out of Mr Carey given half a chance. A song about the search for forgiveness after being a complete eejut.  And "If mistakes were trees, we'd all be in the shade" is a fecking awesome line.

Have you ever wondered what happened to the promises we were given about our space age futures? Holiday's On Mars does exactly that in a Faith-esque foot pumping boogie with a touch of the Carey humour that his friends know and love. Very catchy. But as far as I know, unlike George Michael, Gary won't be found cruising public conveniences. He would like to cruise the stars though. If the people with the technology can be bothered to get their corporate fingers out.

And to finish it all is a song that I think holds a lot of nostalgic appeal for Gary personally. And for our songwriting collective. A lovely sing-along with a great message. Open Heart is about the way we should all be living. Not cynically, or ironically, or cautiously. But openly, expectantly, hopefully. And if anybody wants to argue with that, I'm up for the fight.

So, there we have it. My first ever Album review.  As should be clear, I'm a fan. Although Gary Carey is an incredibly able and eclectic writer this is not cutting edge music. But it wasn't intended to be. What it is is an album of extremely well crafted songs, with emotional punch and moving, sometimes brilliant lyrics. It is a place of shelter from the storms, providing reasons to  smile even in sadness. I think anybody who gives it a listen will feel that they, like me, have found a friend. So do give it a listen here and contact him at his site if you want to purchase the CD. Recommended.


The line "Who wants to sing it? The last song standing" is from my Fee Comes Fourth tune Last Song Standing. You know where my site is. Go to Gary's instead. 

"Pretend That He Was Sick"

I've been a bad, bad, daily blog writer. No blogs have been forthcoming the whole time I was away, nor for the few days I have been back. I apologise. I have excuses, but they would sound like excuses.

Anyway. We're back. And with a few ideas about subjects to write about. The first set of inspiration has been listening to three albums during my journeying to and fro, from some of my songwriter friends. The ones I have been spending some time with recently. I hope to write some mini reviews of their albums over the coming days. Totally unbiased ones in which the friendship I have with each artist will have absolutely no bearing on my critiques. No sir. I'll be Mr Objective personified.

Also, as mentioned when I last wrote anything, we have the wedding of my eldest son coming up. That's quite a big thing which we'll be glad to get out the way...I mean, to which we are all looking forward immensely. Actually, it's going to be great. I never really enjoyed my own wedding day (it's all the attention, people commenting on my dress sense and fantastic haircut, the admiring glances as I was walking down the isle, you know the sort of thing) so it'll be good to watch Daniel suf...enjoy his own special moment.

Edit: Apparently it's the brides  day, and the groom is nothing more than a cake decoration.

So that's all to come. Also the Fee Come's Fourth tune will be with you in a couple of days. I'm getting a little bit radio friendly these days. Or so I've been told. It's quite scary. I fear that I may soon be heard singing  inoffensively, and sans quirks,  as you do your trolley dance around Tesco's. What a sad day THAT will be!

We're back on the wagon folks. If that's the phrase I'm looking for. It might not be, because I swallowed a silver spoonerism the other day. Anyway, keep popping over to this bloggy wagon if you would like. I hope you would.


The line "pretend that he was sick" is from my song Benny's Hallelujah off the album A Human Being.

"A Quiet Release"

Very soon the eldest of my sons will be getting married. 

But first I get away for a few days, very shortly in fact, for one of my favourite times in the year. I'm going to be writing songs, and unwinding, with a few songwriter friends down in England. 

Just recently, since the roof blew off, I haven't written a thing. I don't know where the time has gone. But I do know that I get very broody and restless if too much time goes by without writing a song. 

It's a magical thing to know that in a week's time I'll hopefully have  handful of new creations that could be making their way on to a Fee Come's Fourth slot. That's if the Songwriting God's be in a beneficent mood. 

So this has got to be short. I've a bag to pack,  a guitar to encase, and a journey to make. There are songs in the air.

Woohoo! 

The line "a quiet release" is from the song You Don't Have To Be Strong off my album A Human Being. 

"You Take The Sticks And Stones"

We have to look after the dog. Because Boy who looks after dog is away in Glasgow with other Boys for Stag Weekend of Oldest Boy before wedding next month. I am really not bitter that I, The Dad, wasn't invited along. Not at all. Even though it wouldn't be unheard of for Dads to go on a Stag do. No resentment here.

 And I'm not un-resentful because I'm not missing out on the chance to watch people dressed up as nurses taking their clothes off while I am inebriated. Firstly that sort of thing doesn't appeal to me anyway, and secondly it's not that sort of Stag do. Younger Boys are up there too, and their seniors are responsible and of good moral fibre. Therefore paintballing and ten pin bowling are where the Stag is at. At least that's what I've been told. There is a picture up on Facebook though I will concede that could be part of an elaborate cover up. Anyway, I'm choosing to believe the story.

But stuff them. Back to the dog.

I know there are many, many people who LOVE dogs and the doggy world. The dog, Marley, who we are looking after is a nice dog really. A black labrador with THE most gentle eyes, and a beautiful coat.

But I really don't like looking after the mangy rat. I think it could be the 25 years and counting of raising 9 children that has done for me. Marley, though over a year old, is technically still a puppy. And he is trainable, because I spent a fair bit of time training him in the beginning. Even in a relatively untrained state (he's lost most of the obedience I taught him) he isn't bad. But it all just requires so much time and attention. Walks. Not nice pleasant walks, but constantly Throwing A Stick walks. Calming The Woofing at visitors. The picking up of pooh. It really is like starting parenting all over again. And I really can't be bothered.

So it is good that Dog Boy actually looks after him without any help the majority of the time. These odd days and weekends are the exception, not the rule.

In the meantime, I have decided to run for the position of First Minister in the soon to be independent Scottish State. And when I reach that position I will outlaw all dog keeping, except for  work dogs, dogs for the blind, and possibly dogs for anybody who lives on their own, assuming they can't be fobbed off with a budgerigar.

I will also make a law which requires Dad's to be invited along to Son's Stag Do. Even if they really didn't want to be invited anyway.


The line "you take the sticks and stones" is from the Fee Comes Fourth song You Hurt So Good - September 4th 2013