"I've Come To Appreciate"

Is it possible to fritter away an unlimited resource? Eyebrows have been raised.

Well, technically no. But Fear has been known to blind us. It can make us live as though The End Is Nigh. Hypochondria, and I've had mild outbreaks, causes us to focus on the unknown "maybes" to the point where we spend our time thinking only of dark, negative outcomes. And life ceases to be full of possibilities but becomes a rain-soaked wait for the final bus.

Life isn't limitless of course. But imagine if it was. Imagine if we KNEW it was. Imagine the focus we could give to each and every day IF we knew that we had all the time in the world. That, of course, was the theme of the film Groundhog Day in which Bill Murray's character Phil Connors, faced with endless repeats of the same 24 hours, finally learns to use them wisely.

But it could have gone another way. For a while it did. For a while Connor was gradually overcome with a fear of Eternity, leading to  hopeless despair, leading to him fruitlessly trying to take his own life. Fear leads to frittering. Albeit pointless frittering in the presence of an unlimited resource.

So Phil Connor kept waking up. But the trouble (or troulbe, as it is sometimes known) that an eternal future caused him,  gradually turned into potential. Potential for a new start, a new life, a new day. Potential to focus COMPLETELY on one thing at a time. And he ended up, among other things, making some beautiful ice sculptures, winning the love of a lovely lady...

...and becoming a good human being.

What a way to live. As though we were always going to wake up tomorrow. A way of being. Hopeful, grateful, concentrated living replacing the Fearful Fritter.

Life as though The End had been obliterated.


The line "I've come to appreciate" is from my unreleased song Great Escape. Released songs can be found at Fee Comes Fourth.

"It's Time To Make Your Great Escape"

But there is no escaping from a commitment that you've signed. In blood. With yourself.

Basically I've tied myself up for a lifetime. No way out. First it was the songs on the fourth of every month. As you know I'm going to be doing that forever. Could I stop? Well, I could, but I can't. Not anymore. It's what I do. I know, you never know what the future holds, but come hell or high water (always wanted to use that phrase) I'm going to be bustin' a gut (and that one) to get a song out. Actually, most of the time it's fun, because it's what I love doing.

And the same with the wordy writey  bloggy thing. This. The plan is to do it daily. But I've just been away and missed a couple. I've got to find a way to organise that properly, and  I think I'll be a little bit merciful on myself with the "every single day" part. But still. I want to keep doing it.

All of this commitment to output raises a serious issue though. Quality control.

I find with the blog that there have been times when I've just had to Put It Out There without the proper time to edit. Same with the songs. I can do this stuff, but is the quality of the stuff going to remain at a standard that  I am happy with? And that my ENORMOUS reader/listenership is happy with. I really don't want to be talking to myself. I will do it, but I don't want to.

Time will tell I suppose. I'm of the opinion that doing a task over and over is one of the best ways of getting better at it. Certainly on the craft and technique side of the equation. Inspiration is a whole other beast. But waiting for inspiration to strike is, in my experience, a pretty certain route to stuck-in-the-mud immobility.

So, I'm going to go with this principle: get the boat moving and worry about the steering later.

And the boat is moving. No escape. Oh shit.



"It's time to make your great escape" is from an unreleased song of mine that hasn't got an obvious name even though it's been around for a number of years. Think I'll just have to record it, and see whether the right title emerges.

Fee Comes Fourth