"I'm Not Going To Heaven, I'm Not Going To Hell"

I am a fairly rare breed. We all change as people, but not many leave the tribe they were born into. Most people tend to stick, to a greater or lesser extent, with the one they're brought up with, and are happy to accept the label even if it's only a label and not a sign of anything deeper. For instance the Catholic who doesn't go to mass, or necessarily believe in God, but still identifies with the wider culture...the football team, the guilt, the Pope's infallibility etc. Some might not have labels they wear openly, but if you are born into a secular, humanist family, you're likely to continue seeing yourself as part of the non-religious world.

To be honest that's a fairly pragmatic way of approaching things. Making the best of what you've been given. Taking what you like from the pile, leaving the rest, but still having a tribe to belong to.

I don't think there is any superiority to be claimed in being an idealist, albeit a pragmatic one, and someone for whom the fundamental truth of an issue is important. But never the less, that is the kind of person I am. And that kind of person is likely to question even their relationship with the tribe that brought them up. 

As a result I have experienced two large portions of my life with two very different world views. I started off with the one, a very all encompassing one, which was evangelical christianity. And because it is so all encompassing, and I'm a sensitive soul who never wanted to offend anyone, least of all God, this resulted in a slow, painful, but wholly unavoidable process of changing my mind. I doubt I could have acted any differently.

It is still difficult, because unlike some born again atheists, I don't want to divorce myself from the people and friendships of that other world. On the contrary, in some ways I am quite keen to build relationships and bridges, because everything bad that happens on this planet, happens when we put the needs of our own sub-tribe above the wider world.

But there is a grieving involved in leaving a tribe. Especially a tribe that affects every area of life. So I don't find that communication easy. And although I have absolutely no desire to steal anyones faith, how do I honestly communicate with someone when they believe,  for instance, that the bible is God's word, and can be allowed to usurp (if it comes down to that) a reasoned argument. Which is, of course, a wholly logical stand point within it's own parameters, if you believe that God has access to a higher reasoning that we have not yet acquired. And that he speaks through the people who wrote the bible.

You'd think it would be easier because I come from that world. And trust me, I was completely immersed. In some ways yes it is, in some ways no, it's harder. The long and short of it is that this sort of communication is a work in progress for me. Some would say "why bother?". I don't know really? It just matters to me. And I know it's just as difficult for the ones who are trying to genuinely communicate with me.  I appreciate those who try, particularly when they don't try to hide too much behind "God's Word" but engage on more neutral ground.


The line "I'm not going to heaven, I'm not going to hell" is from my song Devotion of April 4th 2013 at Fee Comes Fourth