"I'm Not Going To Heaven, I'm Not Going To Hell"

I am a fairly rare breed. We all change as people, but not many leave the tribe they were born into. Most people tend to stick, to a greater or lesser extent, with the one they're brought up with, and are happy to accept the label even if it's only a label and not a sign of anything deeper. For instance the Catholic who doesn't go to mass, or necessarily believe in God, but still identifies with the wider culture...the football team, the guilt, the Pope's infallibility etc. Some might not have labels they wear openly, but if you are born into a secular, humanist family, you're likely to continue seeing yourself as part of the non-religious world.

To be honest that's a fairly pragmatic way of approaching things. Making the best of what you've been given. Taking what you like from the pile, leaving the rest, but still having a tribe to belong to.

I don't think there is any superiority to be claimed in being an idealist, albeit a pragmatic one, and someone for whom the fundamental truth of an issue is important. But never the less, that is the kind of person I am. And that kind of person is likely to question even their relationship with the tribe that brought them up. 

As a result I have experienced two large portions of my life with two very different world views. I started off with the one, a very all encompassing one, which was evangelical christianity. And because it is so all encompassing, and I'm a sensitive soul who never wanted to offend anyone, least of all God, this resulted in a slow, painful, but wholly unavoidable process of changing my mind. I doubt I could have acted any differently.

It is still difficult, because unlike some born again atheists, I don't want to divorce myself from the people and friendships of that other world. On the contrary, in some ways I am quite keen to build relationships and bridges, because everything bad that happens on this planet, happens when we put the needs of our own sub-tribe above the wider world.

But there is a grieving involved in leaving a tribe. Especially a tribe that affects every area of life. So I don't find that communication easy. And although I have absolutely no desire to steal anyones faith, how do I honestly communicate with someone when they believe,  for instance, that the bible is God's word, and can be allowed to usurp (if it comes down to that) a reasoned argument. Which is, of course, a wholly logical stand point within it's own parameters, if you believe that God has access to a higher reasoning that we have not yet acquired. And that he speaks through the people who wrote the bible.

You'd think it would be easier because I come from that world. And trust me, I was completely immersed. In some ways yes it is, in some ways no, it's harder. The long and short of it is that this sort of communication is a work in progress for me. Some would say "why bother?". I don't know really? It just matters to me. And I know it's just as difficult for the ones who are trying to genuinely communicate with me.  I appreciate those who try, particularly when they don't try to hide too much behind "God's Word" but engage on more neutral ground.


The line "I'm not going to heaven, I'm not going to hell" is from my song Devotion of April 4th 2013 at Fee Comes Fourth

"Hey, hey, I'm the monkey, belly getting chunky"

This line, in fairness, was written a long while ago, when I smoked and ate food, and before I became the finely tuned athlete I am today.

But the question it begs is: are we related to monkeys? Or only to chimps? This is a question I ask myself every time I have a banana.

Several years ago  I read Charles Voldemort Darwins “The Origin of Species”. This was in the days when I was a Christian, and I was getting a little miffed at a lot of the simplistic explanations and dismissiveness towards anything scientific in the circles I inhabited. I think I read it  after I discovered that there were Christians I respected who didn’t think that a belief in evolution was incompatible with being a Christian. That in itself was a bit of relief. It’s very painful cutting off the blood supply to parts of the body, for instance the brain, because you happen to think that God wants you to.

So I read the book and the lightning didn’t strike. I mean the judgemental lightning. The book itself was never going to set the world agog as pure literature. It is very methodical, detailed, and to be quite frank a little boring. But it sets out it’s argument very clearly, and it was a kind of revelation to me. It enabled me to think about the world as it actually appeared to be rather than as I had been told it was by years of  fairly “fundamental” evangelical christian upbringing. And as a result I found myself breathing air that felt a little bit fresher and more honest.

If you like reading and are the littlest bit interested in the why’s and wherefores of our being here then I would recommend it. But if you have faith, don’t expect it to take your faith away. Belief in evolution has nothing at all to do with belief in God. It only messes with the world view of a particular kind of mindset that boxes God into a corner as a kind of Magic Conjurer behind the Curtain.

It happens that these days I would describe myself - simply in regard to faith because this is not a label that has loads of other beliefs attached to it - as an agnostic atheist. Google it. But that fact is nothing to do with Charles Darwin, who only ever described what he observed, and he observed a lot. He simply, and really quite bravely, drew the obvious conclusions in an age where the power brokers were using the bible as a science textbook. As some still are in parts of the world. He is esteemed for his incredible thoroughness and clarity of thinking. Not for declaring “Avada Kedavara” in the face of the Almighty.



"Hey, hey, I'm the monkey, belly getting chunky" is from my song A Cord Of Three Strands (unreleased).